.:: The Journey Of Faith & Hope ::.

Now now, doesn’t this sound mighty familiar

Belle — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 07:34:12 +0000

The above quote reminds me about how God feels. the difference is HE has already met us.. that’s comforting to know rite?

I shall no longer publicize this place. I shall not depend so much on Facebook anymore. No longer people.. No longer having to explain myself.

How’s life currently? I’m living each day as it comes. Plans for the whole week if possible.. Stress at weird stuff.. Feel bad later on because I might have said something I didn’t mean..

Breaking down again left me tired and spent. I’m no where. I have not much. I can barely survive if I were the only one left. I’m mighty afraid when the time comes when I have to support myself. I want to do something that I can come home and say, “what an AWESOME day (although mighty stressed before night falls), i think tomorrow is going to be even better.” I want to find something that I will fall in love doing every day.

Still looking..

On a lighter note, I’m glad everyone is bonding. Makes things nicer.. LOL.. argh.. catching myself worry again.. enough i say enough.. Annabelle STOP worrying..

nyehehehe

Off I go look for a verse to meditate.. so that I will stop worrying about the unknown..

Tagged: life, loved ones, Thoughts

Life

Belle — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 07:42:18 +0000

Watching Grey’s Anatomy whilst eating lunch may not be a good idea..
Watching Private Practice whilst eating lunch may not be a wise choice either..
One puts me in a state of ‘horror’ (I’m not actually in horror.. heh) while I eat what ever I’m eating as doctors cut up trauma patients..
The other brings me to a place where I think and think and think..
Both causes tears to well up. Heh

Life happens.. Life takes a toll.. Life is sweet at times.. and life is just life..

On hiatus

flips page

Belle — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 02:11:33 +0000

Chapter 1

Almost every blog I came across talked about how the past year went, what are their resolutions and what were, a summary, how they didn’t want to conform to what the blog community does on the 31st of Dec or the 1st of Jan and how they have strayed away from their resolutions the past year.

For me, Dec was a month on fast forward. Although there were times when the clock was just taking his own sweet time, I had barely anytime to sit and start penning my thoughts. Things were laid out one after the other and I got tired, then I got refreshed, then I got scared of the new year, then I got tired again and the cycle some how takes a long time to break.

So I had not much of a breather and I ended up in 2012. I would say that the most glorious things happened at the start of this year. I would say that watching stars, talking to a little cute kid

(he is the cutest thing ever, hiding behind me when strangers say hi.. hahaha! giving me a fist bump, being extremely shy because all the girls were gushing over to him), playing computer games with karl and having a run round the neighborhood brought a sense of accomplishment for the first day. I had my first oversleeping of the year too.. This is the second time already.. Shall not let it happen again..

So thus begins the first week of the first Chapter of 2012. Looking forward to see how this book will turn out.

Cheers and have a great year ahead

Random note: How do I see myself in 5 years time?

Tagged: feelings, new year, People, Thoughts

Away from town

Belle — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 05:29:53 +0000

A 3 hour car ride, bridges past..
Meeting people..
Having good food in the the LAND OF GOOD FOOD (and cheap too)..
Having the rest I needed after a few months of work..
Having to be away from things that stresses me out…

It was a great feeling.. being away.. being away from the city.. being away from the hectic month..

To just eat, sleep, watch movies, shop, and talk to different people about different things.. laughing about jokes.. watching the starlit sky… Playing a few rounds of command and conquer.. getting to know different ones who matter to the people i care about.. watching how po po loved to eat ice cream.. Time flew by and by the end of the last night, I was hoping it would not end so soon.

But I was reminded that times like these would come again.. Times like this should in fact spur me on to work better.. To ensure that the refreshing time I had would bring about an outcome that would change my life for the better.. Thinking about the holiday brought a nostalgic feeling because I wish I could transport myself back then again.. But I’m looking forward to the next time holidays like these come by.. and the next one is Chinese New Year week long holidays :)

Of classical sounds

Belle — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 03:06:21 +0000

Listening to classical music makes me think of the timpani. My favourite instrument after I spent a night listening and watching that pregnant timpani play her heart out during Mahler’s 3rd symphony a year ago. I didn’t even know the significance of Mahler. I just told people it was Mahler and they wanted to go. So yup, my eyes were basically fixed to that section watching both timpani players. Now, I have also come to love the sound of the double bass and cello. Deep and dark sounds.. All of them seem to have that similarity and I can identify the sound of it. Although vaguely for the cello but it just brings me to focus.. the deep dark sounds captures my attention. Weird I know.. heh

I watched you listen to the various sounds of instruments,
The genius of music coming through the sound system,
There was no other place I’d like to be than to sit beside you,
To see how music touches your heart again and again,
A smile forms.
I love you.

Tagged: happenings, Thoughts

Limit..

Belle — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 09:01:41 +0000

I’ve been pushed to my limits.. This Christmas feels busier.. Never once did I step into the shopping mall to shop for presents. I’m likely dropping by some where to pick a quick present for the gift exchange in the office. For the rest, I shall apologize for the delay and will pass them their gifts as soon as I can.

This week itself, all I did was go to work, go to practice, reach home, sleep and the cycle starts again. Likely able to catch a a minute or two to talk to people. I felt really weak yesterday night. Smoke was annoying and irritating my throat, feet were aching due to the long standing position, the never ending repeat of scenes. Everyone was tired, I wasn’t the only one, I know.

It’s only a day left till the production. I just want to sing and dance and then forget all about the tiredness.

Rejoice… Rejoice… Emmanuel… Shall come to thee…

Tagged: Thoughts

Changes; growth?

Belle — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 03:21:28 +0000

I was walking around Midv yesterday to pick up my altered jeans and get snowflakes for the sister. As I walked around, I noticed a few bunch of high school kids, prowling around in packs. Laughing at funny antics and playing pranks. Life is really much simpler at that age. All one has to care about is the final year exams and nothing much, maybe a wee bit about relationships too.

There I was, clad in formal clothing, walking towards the car park. I never really hung out with friends much during the earlier years of high school. Would always watch how cliques waited for cabs outside the school gate on Saturdays so that they could head to the newest mall for a movie or two. I was always on the outside. I thought about how much have grown. Mentally. No longer worrying about grades but rather appraisals and projects. The sister is already 17. At the age that I worried about getting chosen for NS and wondering if I would be able to pass SPM with flying colours.

I was just grinning to myself as I watch those high school kids walk pass. Kids aye. Hahaha.. Those that I have come to know this year in youth group have made me smile again and again. Not just smiling, caused me to worry as well. For them, things they get into, they do not worry much but I worry for them. Who’s not to say someone is worrying about the things I get into. *shrugs*

I’m not perfect. And over the years, I have been meeting crossroads after crossroads. Having to stand there by oneself is the hardest thing ever. I’m intrigued about why people always leave. How they detach themselves from people/environment/things that USED to move them to the core of their being?

I can still confide in a certain few, the most comforting thought that there are still a few. But I feel that I no longer belong. I am at an age that I do not fit in anymore. Comfortable hanging out with the younger ones but too old. Apprehensive to meet older ones because I’m the youngest. I fit in no where and it’s VERY easy to slip into the unknown and not be known.

I guess it’s also because people ‘in between’ have disappeared and I have no one to emulate or figure out life with. It’s just 23 and then it flips up to 27 onwards. This year has never been more unstable in my entire life. Although I did term my Form 6 years (18-19) to be the hardest so far and I hated it, this year has been so unstable because of everything converging that I just want to stop time and figure myself out before I move time again. But who am I to move time? I ain’t God.

However, in the last few minutes, something I read popped into my head. It’s NOT about rushing and chasing after time. It is waiting on God’s timing and it is never following our conventional time.Even though time passes and we are not ready to follow in the footsteps of time, it’s okay to stay put and solve things before jumping onto the moving treadmill(time) lest you fall off with the same problem again.

I will catch up with time soon enough. I know. I’m having faith that I will.

Random note 1: Adele’s songs have a sad twist to them although they are AWESOME. Loved Santana’s version in Glee..

Random note 2: Just found out that “Someone with good PR skills,Good English and High sense of commitment.” made a lecturer think of me. How encouraged.

Tagged: life, Thoughts

Post It

Belle — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 00:55:55 +0000

Spent an amount of time constructing this and worrying about the effectiveness of a surprise. But it worked out well I would say. and 19 balloons are AWESOME, ain’t it?

Tagged: Best friends, events

Uno

Belle — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 15:22:50 +0000

A year has swung by.. Time has at times swung by without me taking notice of it.. Did you think it would pass this fast? When I was in Busan, it was both fast and slow at the same time.

Why the defining moment of a year now when it isn’t the 31st of Dec yet? It’s just been a special year on the 13th of Nov

I have learned patience. I have learned to understand. I have learned to love myself (albeit still trying to at times). I have come to be alright with meeting new people. I have come to know those who I am always comfortable being around with and those who makes me feel icky. I’ve learned that there are way more people out there than what I have been exposed to. I have come to love the funny antics and always giggle when I hear MY story. I have learned that I am overloading my time and am trying to cut down. I have come to start wishing time would pass really slow or that it would just stop when I spend time with Karl. I hope it has been an enriching year for him too..

My funny boy Thank you for an enriching year.

Tagged: Anniversary, boy, life

Gratefulness

Belle — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:10:41 +0000

So I dropped by Karl’s office yesterday to have dinner. But before we could leave, he had to do some work. I then busied myself with Wicked. Apparently it is going to be showing in Singapore *wonders* “Should i go?” Road trip? Maybe.. see first.. Dec IS a busy month.

Anyway, another round of introduction with the different Seligi involved people and the greatest man to understand the RB211 (outside of the engine’s own company). All have been really nice.

The highlight of the night is walking in KLCC park and talking about life and what we should be thankful for.

Lately, I is emo. Nearly every single day has bits of it tied together. When I start thinking about how tired I’m becoming. When I start pouting at every little thing not done right. When I start crying because I see how packed December is going to be, my weekends that is. I start tear-ing because I just want to drop everything I’m doing and wished that others would be in my shoes for a sec (yes i know, I’m being a fish monger here). I start tear-ing when I open emails from a certain sender because it is just too overwhelming to arrange for practices and worry about song viability.

So that night in the park, while Karl was sharing about what he was thankful for coupled with the cool night breeze, I was forming my own ‘Thankful list’.
I’m thankful that my parents are able to give me a life that I’m currently having.
I’m thankful that I have a car to drive around.
I’m thankful I have a degree (albeit it just being a paper)
I’m thankful I have a sister who shares good food with me.
I’m thankful I have a job.
I’m thankful I have a GOD that loves me for who I am.
I’m thankful I’m learning to find where my security lies and who defines me.
I’m thankful that Karl is around when I need some sense knocked into me head or when I need someone to make me laugh.
I’m thankful for the few friends I still have and love.
I’m thankful for the random young ones that have taken a place in my heart, making me smile.
I’m thankful for the rain.
I’m thankful that I’m still alive…

“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” – Epictetus

Tagged: boy, Lessons, life, Thoughts