Time to let go

While I sat at the Leaders Summit feeling just a bit out of place as the usual people were not around other than the younger ones and Tab, Sister spoke about writing down our struggles and putting them to the fire. She mentioned about worrying a lot and I can relate to that. I worry every single day about every single thing I have no control over. That itself shows how sidetracked I got over the past few years.

Truth be told, I have been running away. Truth be told, I am adamant in making myself believe that things are fine and dandy after a few rounds of apologizing. Truth be told, I go all out in making people like me. Truth be told, I turn into mush and hyperventilate when I *THINK* people don’t like me and are judging me. I could be true in thinking there were/still are talks behind. And I push them to the back of my mind every time my mind chances upon it. It’s like dirt I need to clean up after but dirt like these can never be cleaned up thoroughly since they do not belong to you hence I keep “scrubbing the surface” like I was some OCD person. That sometimes makes me annoying.

I’m giving myself time to process. I’m slowly fading out so that I can concentrate on finding that one place I can/have always counted on. To just be still and not worry. I don’t want to be busy doing damage control on the things I keep feeling bad about. I need to stop giving in to the different voices in my head. They should have no place in my life. NADA.

In the process of refueling. Must go through challenging hours first.

So, it’s time to let go so that I can refuel and well become a “Son”.. It’s time to let go and it is OKAY to feel left out. It is okay because I need to get better. I need to refuel. I need to get rid of the voices that condemn me and make me feel bad. I need to be okay with the fact that I’m allowed to make mistakes and learn.

and it’s comforting to know that there are those who still love me for who I am.