Changes; growth?

I was walking around Midv yesterday to pick up my altered jeans and get snowflakes for the sister. As I walked around, I noticed a few bunch of high school kids, prowling around in packs. Laughing at funny antics and playing pranks. Life is really much simpler at that age. All one has to care about is the final year exams and nothing much, maybe a wee bit about relationships too. 

There I was, clad in formal clothing, walking towards the car park. I never really hung out with friends much during the earlier years of high school. Would always watch how cliques waited for cabs outside the school gate on Saturdays so that they could head to the newest mall for a movie or two. I was always on the outside. I thought about how much have grown. Mentally. No longer worrying about grades but rather appraisals and projects. The sister is already 17. At the age that I worried about getting chosen for NS and wondering if I would be able to pass SPM with flying colours.

I was just grinning to myself as I watch those high school kids walk pass. Kids aye. Hahaha.. Those that I have come to know this year in youth group have made me smile again and again. Not just smiling, caused me to worry as well. For them, things they get into, they do not worry much but I worry for them. Who’s not to say someone is worrying about the things I get into. *shrugs*

I’m not perfect. And over the years, I have been meeting crossroads after crossroads. Having to stand there by oneself is the hardest thing ever. I’m intrigued about why people always leave. How they detach themselves from people/environment/things that USED to move them to the core of their being?

I can still confide in a certain few, the most comforting thought that there are still a few. But I feel that I no longer belong. I am at an age that I do not fit in anymore. Comfortable hanging out with the younger ones but too old. Apprehensive to meet older ones because I’m the youngest. I fit in no where and it’s VERY easy to slip into the unknown and not be known.

I guess it’s also because people ‘in between’ have disappeared and I have no one to emulate or figure out life with. It’s just 23 and then it flips up to 27 onwards. This year has never been more unstable in my entire life. Although I did term my Form 6 years (18-19) to be the hardest so far and I hated it, this year has been so unstable because of everything converging that I just want to stop time and figure myself out before I move time again. But who am I to move time? I ain’t God.

However, in the last few minutes, something I read popped into my head. It’s NOT about rushing and chasing after time. It is waiting on God’s timing and it is never following our conventional time.Even though time passes and we are not ready to follow in the footsteps of time, it’s okay to stay put and solve things before jumping onto the moving treadmill(time) lest you fall off with the same problem again.

I will catch up with time soon enough. I know. I’m having faith that I will.

 

Random note 1: Adele’s songs have a sad twist to them although they are AWESOME. Loved Santana’s version in Glee..

Random note 2: Just found out that “Someone with good PR skills,Good English and High sense of commitment.” made a lecturer think of me. How encouraged.

Advertisement