…Outgrow…Outgrowth…Outgrowing…

Outgrow… We outgrow habits.. We outgrow clothes/shoes/ fashion/whatever stuff that we can outgrow of… we can outgrow friendships as well, we outgrow relationships with different ones…

I was watching an episode of a Korean drama a few days ago and one of the character was having dementia, always forgetting stuff and people, we’ll call him as Mr Kim. When Mr.Kim is lucid, he treats a high-school girl, Hannah like his family member, like treating his grandaughter.. BUT when dementia kicks in, Mr Kim thinks that Hannah is his real grandaughter, Julie.. meaning, he totally doesn’t remember who Hannah is. This hurts Hannah because she cares so much about Mr.Kim yet he doesn’t remember a thing about her or who she REALLY is..

Don’t you think that that’s a bit sad? To have someone forget you.. Yes, tho it’s not on purpose… still…

I guess, it doesn’t really affect or hurt when both sides are no longer placing importance on what was previously shared… I think if our shirts had feelings, they would be pretty upset that they now end up at the back of the closet or are sent away… haha…

So MANY different questions are running around my mind that i’m not even sure if i should post it up… But this is my outlet.. MY PLACE to make sense of all the non sense…

When did i first come across this word, OUTGROW? It was when Crystal taught the CAs girls about relationships.

Will you outgrow friendships? Yes, over time, you will…

That’s pretty much a fact in itself…. i guess that’s probably why i’m not close to my primary/certain high-school friends anymore..

There has been quite a few conversations lately about different stuff, yet it still comes back to whether or not i’m able to MOVE on..

I want to… I VERY much want to… and i think one way is to LET GO… and in another way i can’t because part of me feels that it’s NOT the time to let go… and the other part of me saying that if i DO not let go soon, i won’t be able to move on…

I found out yesterday that things may not be what it seems and things may not be how i understand it to be…

All of a sudden today i felt very tired of being strong… i felt that there’s just SO much going on inside of me that i can’t be a good enough example… i felt betrayed..

 i felt that all ‘work’ was left behind for those who stayed back…

and THEN i thought about all the smiles i’ve seen so far even though all that has happen… all the concerns that came forth because WE want those under us to grow.. all the love and care that we shared with each other… those who have stayed strong and encouraged me on…

and i caught myself again… why am i DOING all the things that i’m doing now?

It’s basically because i find the JOY of serving Him… like what i realised on Sunday serving with choir…

So, i will persevere on.. and all I can do is COUNT on God like what we sang last week…

I want to see the younger ones continue to grow and i want to see them become ’stronger’ and not waver easily… despite whatever happens and to be able to see for themselves what is REAL… no one is a lost cause… despite all that i’m feeling, there’s just SO much to be done and yet there are not enough hands to carry and do… i need to fill that need to carry on the fire… and i KNOW that it’s not just me… there’s a group of people who are doing the same…

I know and believe we can do it… May all of us draw strength from God… because it is ONLY Him that will be able to bring us up again…

Vines that come from the main source…