Zombie - fied…
i felt like one this morning when i just woke up… came home late last night cuz meeting ended about 11.20… so i sleep till 11 this morning… heh… i was walking around the house aimlessly…
still i knew that i needed to finish up a powerpoint and thus needed to get to mom’s office for internet connection.. but i was pretty much stoning alot on my bed and in front of the tv.. in the mean time, there were alot of things going thru my mind and that’s what i’m gonna talk about in this post…
the history of this thot?
last nite during CCC family gathering… i was sitting with Funny Senior and we were talking.. she suddenly caught me offguard by saying..
“Do not trust anyone in coll, not even me…. they’ll betray you when you least expect it.. i’ve been thru it before”
what surprised me was “…NOT EVEN ME…”
i’m currently not sure if she really meant it literally or just to emphasize how serious it is by saying that like how XM explained to me in her point of view…
i’m confused and abit in shock…
have you been this situation before where a friend have asked you not to trust himself/herself?
what does she mean by that?
does she mean that she’ll betray me anytime? does she mean that she might fall into the hands of politics and be ‘mean’?
what i’ve managed to gather from her sentence is that:
college is full of politics… watch your back and do not trust those who have the potential to betray you for ‘power’, or for the favor of the higher post people…
i’ve yet to ask her what does she mean by that,prolly by the end of today la…we’ll see.. hmmm…
with this, it has also brought back memories and horrible experiences…
i’m less outgoing because i find it hard to trust people… more so, i’m afraid of them being two faced…
been betrayed before and if i’m able i don’t want to go thru it again…
the reason why i tend to trust only a few is because they have been true to me…
still, am stronger in a way… am more outgoing than before… braver than before…
so, what happens next?
ummm…
i’ll check with her again about it…
i’ll be careful with the people i mix with…
i’ll watch my back i guess…
honestly, i’ll still be friends with her and still trust her and also try to trust the people in coll… i’ll just be careful and more importantly, i’ll TRUST God for He’s the one who brings people into my life whether they are two faced or not.. and i’ll learn to be diserning perhaps…
yea.. it won’t deter me from having good friendships… and yes, others might betray me again someday but i’m more concerned that I DO NOT betray others…
so i’ll not let this obstruct my friendship and also on my relationship with people in general… especially my batchmates…
Dear Lord, i uphold the people i come across into Your Hands… Tho some MIGHT betray my trust towards them, help me to be able to be prepared and to be able to discern… Help me to be able to be a good example and not be influenced by politics because part of me detest politics as it breaks people…. it brings out the not - good - side of people… Help me to be loyal to others and by that, bringing a change in the people around me… Guide my ways. If others are not loyal towards me, grant me the strength to stand up and move on without them… move on with Your help instead… Help me to overcome this problem when it appears in the future. Use me,Lord, to bring change… In Your Name, Amen…
* i think i might find it hard to not be friends with Funny Senior as she is the ONLY senior who has taken the time to talk to me, to teach me about coll life… to be a friend to me la in a nut shell… so yup, hopefully i won’t need to ‘break’ our friendship ler..*
security… i want some in coll….
at Singapore MRT station 2 years ago… haha…
dat’s the last pic for today… shall go watch naruto awhile… was so busy this whole week til didn’t watch…
Take care peeps…
*i’ve got class tmr… sigh…*
Loves… 
*update* i asked her edi.. she clarified,”no la, just mean that do not trust fully in a person la….”
i understand edi la… not so confused anymore.. heh…
Btw, Em ‘dragged’ me out for dinner after prayermeet and i talked to her about it… it helped un-confuse me too.. hehe…
I enjoy hanging out with her… updates on each others life,basically didn’t hang out for 6-7 months.. so yup…a good hanging out la…
A busy day has gone by….
Today was quite a busy day… full day of class until 6… just had a short 2 hour break before the next class in the middle la…
Tmr is already thurs… have got two meetings tmr nite and am wondering whether i should go home after that… but i’m not quite sure what time the meeting ends… hmmm… what if it ends at 12?!! i wonder la… these people seem to like to have meetings until late late wan lo.. haha…
oh wells, will see what time the 2nd meeting ends… they haven’t even come up with the announcement… they LOVE to announce it last minute, i realise, cuz the last time they had meeting, i was already home… most of the time, i’ll plan when to head back home and they didn’t inform early so i’d already left… they are pretty smart, eh?
okay… been sounding very sarcastic in the above lines……
neways, just wanna say that so far, i’ve prevailed… lol… what do i mean by that, well, i’ve been texting less, i’ve been studying more, i’m more or less, less LOA edi… and i actually seem to be able to die to self.. it doesn’t really matter much to me anymore what people say…
last sat was kinda relaxed… i am seriously tired… to juggle everything…
but last sat was pretty cool, despite the songs being a bit hard to back up… but yea… it was kinda good i suppose…
had a (fruitful?) good talk with SF while i was having my lunch… we talked about various stuff and yea.. it was good… i suppose… hehe…
Ps. Steven was the one preaching on sat and what i gathered from it was
What matters most is how you end it all….
not quite how you start it… and i guess, it really spoke to me cuz i was started to lose the ‘fire’ in me to do the things i needed to do… i’m in a way slacking at some…
i’m really tired…. and it just doesn’t seem to help when i’ve got loads to take care of…
still from that, i realise that i need to continue and finish the ‘race’, as BEST as i can… so yea… am still hanging on i suppose… but with renewed strength? heh…
People who have HOPE, do not GIVE UP!!
yea… i’ve got hope… so i won’t give up that easily… so i’ll hang on… i’ll keep hanging on til the day i don’t have to anymore….
I MUST decrease and He MUST increase….
i’m trying to do that day by day… it’s been a few days so far… so yea…
i miss hearing Ps. Steven’s messages… they seem to be REALLY relevant in my life… so i was really looking forward to hear him speak… thus, am encourage to continue on with my ‘race’…
there’s still one more thing that i haven’t found the solution to… it has to do with fridays… i dun know what to do… i can’t seem to bring myself to go anymore… it’s prolly me la.. but i just… sigh….
btw, last sun, i went shopping and i got myself a suit… cuz i’ve got to wear it during one of the coll projects…
sorry for being abit SS but i like it alot…
it’s from Padini and it’s 50% off sum more… i like it… hehe…. 2nd last day of Megasales.. got a pair of purple heels from Vincci(Annabelle?? purple?? yea i kinda shocked myself also… so far all my heels have been black, black and BLACK… lol…)
On mon, i got myself a pair of new basketball shoes/sports shoes…
yes, i know it’s black and boy - ish again… but it’s a basketball shoe…thick padding…
Shall go look at hamlet so as to prepare for class on sat…
have got class on carnival day and well, i’ll only get to experience prolly the ending of everything… hopefully class ends a tad bit earlier la… hmmm…
am currently waiting for 2 meetings to start… one is at 10 and another is at 11pm…
am also looking forward to tmr’s CCC family meeting which is the only meeting that i can have fun… it’s cool in a way tho i’m a half ‘banana/papaya’
am also still wondering if i should go home tmr la… hmmm….
toodles…
missing peeps… *hug* to those who need it…
Belated Birthday Post
here’s to you Mich! not sure if you’ll see this but yea… sorry that it’s late…
I’m not suppose to be online right now….
but my teammates decided that they wanna take a nap first… and i can’t help but wanna blog… so here am i…
not in the greatest of moods… will not explain why ler… but this post is for the person who has left Seoul, i think…
prolly it’s a good thing i didnt go to KLIA.. would have flooded it cuz really the feeling’s TERRIBLE when another GREAT friend in your life leaves…. hmmm…
trying to keep my chin up… am pretty bummed right now…
missing the above person alot.. LOADS… cuz she’s been there alot la… *heart aching*
not sure how come i became so attached to her… can you imagine that i used to be scared of her… well, NOT anymore now and there have been really fruitful chat sessions with her…
walking under the rain, playing basketball,running errands,eating at some random place(remember the burger place at mont kiara??or was it TTDI?),posing at the beach for no apparent reason
i don’t really have to talk much around her which is what i’m comfortable with… (not sure if it’s ok with her..heh..)
just being around her sorta helps keep me balanced…
yes, i know three months will pass in a blink of an eye..
can’t help feeling sad tho…
not sure how to express my feelings no more…. will leave it as it is i guess…
LOVE U!!
*indescribable feeling or rather i can’t seem to put a title to this*
i’m kinda speechless right now… i mean, i can’t seen to be able to structure my thots together… it’s all jumbled up… things are happening.. i’ve got 1 mock presentation next week and another real one next wed… i’ve got 2 tests as well… things are getting hectic… i’ve got the phonetics assignment due on week 14.. then, have got a group assignment due week 10… this week is already week 7… hmmm… hopefully we’ll make it in time la…
about what i’ve just read, one sentence to sum it all up….
“Constantly, check yourself and get help immediately if you find that something is wrong,do not depend on your own will but look to God for strength,finding favour in Him rather than men…
finding favour in Him rather than men…”
i find myself guilty for finding favour in men… prolly because of pride…
prolly it brings short term ‘fulfilment’…
but i realise it’s still wrong…
so,
i’ll try not to care so much about people’s comments about me… been having that in uni, friends said that a few ’seniors’ asked them about me… and until a point, i was trying to find out why they were asking about me…
but it was a while ago(it’s been 2 months plus since i entered uni)
i refuse to believe that they are asking about me la..
still, a few posts back, i was talking about LOA..
trying very hard but i failed miserably this week….
aih…
Dear Lord, i know i was pretty ‘annoying’ this week to a few people… i know i shouldn’t be LOA… help me to overcome it,Lord. Help me to find favour only In YOU and not to chase after the favour of men, which i seem to do every now and then… help me to find contentment in YOU and YOU alone. it hurts when i find myself guilty of seeking favour from others.please forgive me, Lord. guide my ways and my heart and my feelings as well… help me to keep within boundaries set and not go overboard by disrespecting others… Guide me, Lord, that’s all i ask of YOU.. In Your Name, Amen.
I find myself trying to escape from something.. to the point of not wanting to go for any one of its meetings… i can’t seem to connect there and i can’t seem to feel belonged… i guess, that’s how some of the youths who come for our meetings feel… it’s really horrible and i dunno what to do with it…. that’s why am contemplating whether to go home today or not…. if i do go home, means i won’t be attending the meeting and if i stay i’ll be attending the meeting… it’s a struggle la… but i’ve called mom and told her that i feel like going home today.. she says she’ll call back later.. so i guess, it’s kinda decided…
been stoning alot these days… and btw, i felt so ‘pathetic’ yesterday… i was trying to look for someone to teman me eat dinner… xin min wasn’t back yet and so was elen… ended up, i went down alone and met coursemate… i was relieved… i’m kinda scared being alone in coll.. sigh… what made dinner not so scary was that, Funny Senior was at the next table… and she came over to talk to me… she kinda cheered me up….
ugh… it feels pathetic all of a sudden…
Don’t mind me… another phase… prolly next week i’d be TOO busy to think of all this….
I’m just thankful that at the moment she doesn’t find me scary nor annoying*or prolly she does but i’m too ignorant to notice..* oh wells, not gonna care.. not gonna care… not gonna care *covers ears and shakes head*
Water shortage?!
when i just arrived at coll, i realised that my coll had no water cuz they were fixing the pipe… didn’t panic at first and well, after hanging out in Xin Min’s room where we surprised her for her bday, for about 2 hours, i went back to my room to read.. then, forgot about meeting and rushed down for it… haha… i seldom forget about meetings… neways, prolly was too worried about the water thing when i went back to my room…
then, elen,Hyma,xin min and melanie came down and they waited till my meeting was over.. we then, went to KFC for dinner cuz afraid about the dinner being not TOO clean,perhaps?
then, while we were walking, it started to rain and we only had two small umbrellas for the 5 of us… braved the rain and my flip -flops kinda left my feet twice in the middle of the road… haha… the people stuck in the jam must be thinking how come these gurls still come out for dinner in the rain… lol..
neways, water came back by 10 and i managed to bathe la… felt so much better after that… THANK GOD la… if not we would have to walk to the faculty to bathe.. wanted to go home at first but the drive for my parents wasn’t worth it so i decided not to… yup…
Funny senior said that this water shortage(happened cuz one of the pipes outside burst) happened a few times last year… so expect it to happen again la, she says… sigh…. but neways, we shall pray that next time it won’t happen… so yup…
better post this up… batt dyin edi…
Nitez!
Sem Break over….
yup.. sem break is over… uni life starts again… exams and studies are back…. will do my best again trying to juggle everything together and hopefully i don’t have to sleep late again due to things that are given to me during the last minute…
it’s kinda scary again.. heh… but i’ll be ‘brave’ and continue on cuz God’s there… eventho i’m ’stuck’…
btw, last sat was Amazing Race and it was pretty cool except for the mishaps that happened.. mixed up of teams and officials… and it rained… but still we ended at the same time as predicted cuz we needed to get the people back to church… anyhow, it was fun making the teams eat the special sushi i made…
they could choose from sugus gummy, sour ginger, beetroot salad, dried seafood, sago, preserved mango which was pretty salty according to them,green chilli,and one more which i forgot… and also compulsory starfruit jam… and rice.. hehe…
after the race which i got really drenched, i went home to wash up and went for MPYO at the Dewan Philharmonic Petronas… left my house at about 7.45pm and we were suppose to reach there by 8.15pm
we used the new highway and got there in 5 minutes.. weren’t speeding cuz it was still raining so yea.. pretty shocking la.. haha…
anyhows, got seated and watched it… am not musically inclined so won’t be able to comment much… but it was an experience la… mae was in the First Violins and yea,in MY opinion, she played well with the whole team of hers… then, we all noticed this funny eccentric guy who plays the cello… super expressive and hyper at the same time, smiles every now and then when he plays… haha… then, tab liked this little kid who plays the double bass which was 3 times his size.. haha… he looked so cute… according to mae, he’s 13 and imagine him holding a viva(the car prolly sliced in half by length and not width) if still can’t picture it, it’s okay… but it looked really heavy for him… haha…
the last piece that they played was accompanied by an organ… the piece lasted for about 45 mins i think… in the middle there were abit of mishaps la… according the Jan and Brian, the previous concert was better… i didn’t manage to go for the previous one due to camp but yea… it was something that i wanted to try out and prolly, i’ll go again, if there’s someone going with me…
they were also VERY VERY strict with attire, must be formal like and no sneakers or slippers… no bags allowed in as well…
btw, someone’s phone rang in the middle of the performance and the conductor, Mr. Kevin looked at the guy… and his expression was of surprise cuz everyone was already told to keep their phones off… lol…
yup… i should prolly go off… not in uni yet tho cuz today no class, lecturer on leave… and replacement class again la…
will be in uni in a few hours time… hmmmm… i miss my bed(at home).. heh… neways, next mon is a hol too cuz public hol…. hehe… okay… need to concentrate on studies for the next four days…
like what SF said, let’s wait for the time to FLY by and soon it’ll be the weekends again…
bye…
Stuck…
i wanted to talk to someone 1st.. but it’s a luxury i haven’t had in months…
Neways,
I feel stuck… I feel like i’m stuck in mud… loads of things are clingin onto me… and they don’t seem to wanna let go… or prob, i’m not wanting to step out of the mud… which ever the reason, i’m feeling tired… yes, from all the thinking and also from the ‘mud’…
one of the things, i’ve been thinking about is how to not be seeking for attention from others… means to not be LOA… i know i shouldn’t be seeking for attention… but a part of me seems to be wanting to… in coll… i guess, it’s because i still don’t feel like i fit it… or prob i don’t feel secure in terms of having someone to count on in coll… it’s not that i don’t have friends, i do and i like them… and i don’t think coll will be that fun without them… i guess it’s just me to ‘want’ to have a friend who is prolly older than me… which right now, i don’t have… so that’s why i’m feeling a bit ’insecure’.. hmmm… been trying to keep myself from appearing LOA… and will need to try harder once coll starts.. prolly i’ll be too busy to care… dunno… i don’t wanna be an attention seeker… it’s not who i’m suppose to be… and it’s not right, in a way… because it annoys people… i’ve annoyed people before so i know… yea… let’s see what happens la…
so what am i gonna do since i’m stuck??
i clean… haha…
i cleaned up my notes last tue… those are my chem, physics and bio notes… the bigger stack in the middle is the amount of paper i can re-used for scribbling…lol
it’s not much of a use to me now since i’m studying language…
a big change eh?
Neways, what am i really gonna do about being stuck?? i dun really know… sigh…. *shrugs*
But i am okay in a way because of what happened in a meeting just now…
In an animated way, i saw myself stuck in mud and HE just enveloped me in a hug and said that HE’ll be with me even when others are not… No matter how long i’m ’stuck’, He’ll be there waiting till i’m ready to step out.. but He also added that i shouldn’t take too long…
That gave me the assurance that my God is there for me no matter what is happening… so i’m okay in a way… waiting for the time to come i guess…
Yesterday didn’t go really well, my team mate was stoning and i didn’t have the guts… prolly the effects of being ’stuck’… sigh… wanted to try…
after ’stoning’,my team mate and i and another group when to McD for lunch… and this is what we did while we were waiting for time to past…
Ben and Jeremy made straw aeroplane and they tried to make it fly but it ended up on the floor…
What’s sticky and brown??(highlight the lines below to know the answer…)
a STICK!!!
She’s confirmed leaving… for 3 months…
am i sad? not in way… am happy that she’s doing what she wants…
i guess, things won’t be like it is la… hmmmm….
i’ve got a test on the day she’s leaving so i don’t think i’ll be able to send her off… sigh….
i remember that, in my previous blog, that if a 3rd friend leaves for overseas, i’ll prolly flood the KLIA… so since i’m not gonna be able to send her off, it’ll save KLIA from flooding.. heh..
so yea… i LOVE you! thanks for caring since…(i forgot when)hehe…
will miss you!! i know it’s just for three months but we’ll never know what happens three months later.. prolly you’ll get to stay longer…
but am happy for you ya…
take care then…
will give you something next week then… so dun go missing….
have got to go edi… Amazing Race is tmr… and i might go for a swim with friends tmr morning at 7! in the morning… can you believe it!! haha…
Ciao…
Sem Break
Okay.. am in the midst of sem break right now.. managed to finish up most of my uni work edi.. just one more which is actually an assignment due by week 14. can take that one easy for now..
am gonna go watch wall e tomorrow with Liz, sis, cousin and aunt. Xin min says it’s quite meaningful so i can’t wait to watch it.
nothing much currently… have been thinking alot so it makes my brain tired… yea it does… hmmm…
Just a random question… am i LOA?!
I’m wondering…. have been wondering actually…
this is prob another meaningless post… oh well…
Btw, Calvary Youth is having an Amazing Race this sat at Bukit Jalil Park… wanna come?? let me know.. i think it’s going to be fun…
Oh and after that, i’ll be going for MPYO, Mae’s playing…. hehe.. can’t wait ler… but it also means that my sem break is ending once sat comes..
oh well, back to studies, i guess.. haha…
Shall go off now.. wanna play some online games.. 
i wanna eat Korean BBQ again… yum yum…
A Smile helps….
to cheer a person up…
Yesterday’s literature lessons was my favorite… cuz we watched Mona Lisa Smile. i’ve always wanted to watch that show and well yea.. i managed to watch it and it made me feel so inspired and motivated in a way. To make an impact, to make a stand for what i believe in. Tho currently i may not be able to do much but yea… to keep on trying no matter who tries to stop me.It was an AWESOME movie for me at the moment..
There wuz a part that i almost, i said ALMOST(means i didn’t la) cried. it was the part where Giselle hugged Betty(eventho Betty was calling Giselle a whore)because Giselle found out that Betty’s husband was having an affair and Betty was venting out her anger and frustration at her friends in the coll.
To be labelled that by a friend and yet to be able to respond in such a loving way because that friend was hurting. i guess, that scene touched my heart. it made me realise that everyone in this world needs someone like Giselle(not all the bad characteristics of COURSE), who love and care for their friends.
*before i left uni last nite, someone i know was in a bad mood and was crying in the middle of a meeting.. not quite sure why but i was worried for a moment there.. due to being in a different culture and there are boundaries involved where i’m not really close to her.. i couldn’t really comfort her even if i wanted to.. all i could do was smile when she talked to me, hoping that it would ‘influence’ her to smile more and thus making her feel better. not sure if it worked. but yea. i wanted to show that i care but i couldn’t do much. will pray for her i, i think that’s all i can do now.. tho she may not know Him. yea.. hope she’ll be alright ler.. still a bit worried about her..
i’m not sure who but i think some might wonder why i care about my friends so much. not putting much attention on BGR cuz i dun know who He has chosen for me. He’ll bring our roads together when the time comes i guess. that’s why in the mean time, my attention now is on my friends. and also on the things i need to do in uni and in church, and family of course.being in uni and staying in there for 4 days a week,makes me care about my friends, in uni frens and outside of uni friends, dun know why.. but yea… friends to me are very important. that’s that..
there have been times where i felt that i,myself was hurting when i see my friends hurt or sad.it’s just the way i am. not sure if it’s good or not. but yea..
enough of ‘thinking out loud’? nah.. all these is just pouring out into my ’space’ cuz i need an outlet that’s all..
I’m okay ya.. dun misunderstand.. i’m perfectly fine.. just worried about a few people and missing a few friends here and there… normal life i guess…
wanna go watch Grey’s Anatomy edi.
Toodles and Have and fun and wonderful weekend peeps!!
a photo to share…
taken in singapore last year at some mall at Orchard Street
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